tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76835620152418434772024-02-19T16:46:33.391+00:00Wivey 3rd TeamWe Capitulate To No-Onewivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.comBlogger166125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-80949744043951002782010-01-09T12:16:00.000+00:002010-01-09T12:16:11.724+00:00Do you want some snow clearedMartin Broome is offering his services to clear snow form paths with his special snow clearing service.<br />
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Fee payable:- 3 pints = 1 hours snow clearingwivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-81481410329741538372010-01-09T11:34:00.003+00:002010-01-09T11:45:49.989+00:00Top Ten Things You Do Not Want To Hear Mike Phillips Say In A HospitalTop Ten Things You Do Not Want To Hear Mike Phillips Say In A Hospital .....................<br /><br />1. Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.<br /><br />2. Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?<br /><br />3. Darn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!<br /><br />4. Everybody stand back! Charlotte's Driving the Ambulance!<br /><br />5. Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie<br /><br />6. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.<br /><br />7. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"<br /><br />8. Whoa, Stop wait a minute, I've only had five tea breaks this morning?<br /><br />9. "Good Morning Mr Ware"<br /><br />10. What do you mean "You had two legs when you came in earlier"<br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 266px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5424704740520705858" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwfxJmMp6q6Ph380P5ISAgimMIBHNplcIWfzenRH5G9Pq3gXqgN8zGM91G2fjm9YA_TxJOUpgzvLzKzqs5Ri5HeroY3TCkTrURjRy_tqWYCh3RgM-gsWgyGmHZja1sj9nddLHwaVku74Jq/s320/hos.jpg" />wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-24106274602064612042010-01-07T15:45:00.000+00:002010-01-09T12:00:18.385+00:00Musgrove RedeploymentDuring the recent snow due to staff shortages many staff at Musgrove Park hospital were redeployed to avoid any operations from being cancelled.<br /><div></div><div> </div><div>Ivor has been informed that Dr Mike Phillips was found an appropriate job mending the broken leg of a Gingerbread man in the restaurant.</div><br /><div></div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5424708389792503090" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM8DlreFo8AYufDXJgxhWSbKyfR8GRNCYPqDmEc9won763mUnDjOi2KC0R19oTgSC_Yrap_KR0UyrBW4FKuHbME0JC6ITrWLFnhaa8yBS9-Ux6WYx843Ey_0Z1UZMkIzJSmNwdKjvb4ntO/s320/GB1.jpg" /><br /><div></div>wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-87238875307411811202009-12-24T16:53:00.000+00:002009-12-26T16:57:28.664+00:00'Twas The Night Before Christmas 2009<div><br />'Twas the night before Christmas<br />and all through the house<br />not a creature was stirring<br />except me and my spouse<br /><br />All the presents were wrapped<br />the stockings full of stuff<br />my wife, she did sigh as she sat<br />'oh', I said, 'you think you have it rough'<br /><br />The children were all nestled, snug in their beds<br />while I looked at the race track<br />and doll house boxes<br />my head full of dread<br /><br />Tab A and slot B<br />soon filled my brain<br />I reached over to grab my beer<br />which I soon drained<br /><br />When out on the street<br />there rose such a noise<br />there was some fat guy<br />and a big bag of toys<br /><br />I ran to the window<br />my heart full of fear<br />I raised up the window<br />and threw up my beer</div><div><br /></div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5419589799513375970" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqfuSlHmxz9PERXDTtp0hD_QIoUCP73tOyZpPZJDF4q5z9oSMjzVh6Yw8QP5cLRX1Y8S4GpdBNBCIKAYEh7i_oOW6Dhsf831D5iTXWhukrG9HotfAPV78GX3TtcIkmeAs03hTVXN9aolCL/s320/2079341715_c17bae0857.jpg" /><br />My eyes popped out<br />for what did I see?<br />a red Ford pick up<br />wrapped around our tree<br /><br />On the hood were tied<br />eight reindeer, obviously dead<br />in front of the truck,<br />the fat guy, obviously out of his head<br /><br />'Damn lights, damn flashers<br />damn snow all around<br />I knew I was gonna have an accident<br />drove it right into the ground'<br /><br />I ran for the phone<br />to call 911<br />I knew this scene<br />was not going to be fun<br /><br />As I started to dial<br />my wife said 'What's the matter?'<br />I looked out the window<br />The fat guy had a ladder<br /><br />He set it on the side of the roof<br />and started to climb<br />he had nearly reached the top<br />when the cops arrived at the scene of the crime<br /><br />He slipped on the ladder<br />and started to fall<br />'Won't someone catch me?'<br />he was heard to call<br /><br />His boot got hooked<br />and flipped him upside down<br />as he hung by his toes<br />his bag hit the ground<br /><br />I ran right on over<br />and gave him a grin<br />I pulled on the bag<br />and started dragging it in<br /><br />'Just go ahead and take it'<br />he said with a sigh<br />'Just go ahead and leave me<br />hanging here to die'<br /><br />The cops ran over<br />and helped him get down<br />as they snapped on the cuffs<br />one said 'What a fat clown'<br /><br />I closed my door slowly<br />and then I shook with glee<br />I had to know what was in the bag<br />I just had to see<br /><br />'I don't have to build that crap'<br />I was speaking to me<br />'I can take all this stuff<br />and stuff it under the tree!'<br /><br />I looked at the goodies<br />and quickly lost my grin<br />as I read each package<br />my brain filled with chagrin<br /><br />Each and ever box was marked<br />'Assembly Required'<br />I realized<br />I am going to be very tiredwivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-65162880002289914912009-12-21T16:43:00.000+00:002009-12-26T16:49:41.137+00:00Save The Earth - Wivey's Carbon Footprint<div>Wivey's carbon footprint has doubled since Rob Aplin turned on his Christmas lights. It was thought that Rob also turned away climate camp protest only to find out that they were Wivey Young Farmers carol singers.<br /><br /><em>Ivors tips<br /></em><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5419587985560981474" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHc0aLuGL9a4XfGUAu8LBLGRMC2nEZp2fGEhjW3BfM8g4Vu0kIpch8xDUQ276hXh6s81-fT-9SPKqbdYJKrE3vL4nxKwUixrW7VHR-QmjLIzXKeDfsGWaXfaFj4J4floL3xgUJK9L-Gd-c/s320/earth-1.gif" /><br />Do You Want To Help Save The Environment and Reduce CO2 Emissions? How can you help save the environment and reduce CO2 emissions?<br /><br />Humans exhale Carbon Dioxide (CO2) - Stop breathing !! </div>wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-91880401941176021712009-12-10T23:07:00.000+00:002009-12-10T23:07:00.488+00:00''Dick Turpin,Ghouldilocks and the three bear drinkers'WAMDRAM Wivey's new amateur drama group are about to stage its first production, the pantomime 'Dick Turpin',but after recent photographs appeared in the press someone suggested it should be called 'Dick Turpin,Ghouldilocks and the three bear drinkers'<br /><br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 142px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413010882817424210" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwhis2KKrXCjLB2Jb3AUwIX_iUj0xHN8eE412VKeZmWMUgJBBu3oYjcCAqOttR2J9OD9G6HXphZqlkc5vrDAXWF1GZkp6H1qN986KZZA4dDBd2h_MVU92yJ365IFNZEECF5ddzkf7uGoD_/s200/WAMDRAM+-+Men+Wanted.jpg" /><br />Synopsis of our version of 'Dick Turpin'<br /><br />In the scariest tale of the infamous Dick 'Andy Harvey' Turpin, highwayman, is brought to raucous life in this hilarious pantomime.<br /><br />Many a new twist is brought to the much-loved Panto conventions; Dame Ghouldilocks (Paul Hopkins), the villain (Delwyn Evans) complete with dim-witted henchmen, (Richard Piercey), the beautiful girl (??????)and her beau are all here, as ever, but in a new and exciting setting with its fair share of surprises! The choice of songs will cater to all tastes, both young and old and especially the deaf.<br /><br />When lovable rogue Dick Turpin realises that someone is out to tarnish his reputation by claiming he is using too much water, he himself goes undercover. He takes a job on Dame Ghouldilocks farm so he can track down the villain.<br /><br />But on the farm he discovers a love triangle between farm-hands Dolly the pantomine Cow , Pork Scratchings the old sow and Smokey Bacon the confused sheep.<br /><br />Please send your nominations for the above posts, but Stuart even I am not brave enough to say that about Mims!wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-56770204899210657782009-12-08T12:37:00.002+00:002009-12-09T08:59:19.900+00:00Gordon Brown<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/KT6KSJcloj0&hl=en_GB&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/KT6KSJcloj0&hl=en_GB&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Gordon Brown was visiting Wivey primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.<br /><br />The teacher asked Mr. Brown if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'.<br /><br />So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.<br /><br />A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a 'tragedy.'<br /><br />No, said Gordon - that would be an accident.'<br /><br />A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy'<br /><br />I'm afraid not, explained Gordon - that's what we would call great loss'<br /><br />The room went silent. No other children volunteered Gordon searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'<br /><br />Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand...<br /><br />In a quiet voice he said: 'If a plane carrying you and Mr Darling was struck by a friendly fire' missile & blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.'<br /><br />'Fantastic!' exclaimed Gordon. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?'<br /><br />'Well,' says little Johnny 'it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a f*kc1ng accident either!wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-76883050306566411422009-12-03T22:31:00.001+00:002009-12-03T22:33:17.428+00:00Musgrove Park Hospital, Taunton, found noise levels on an average general medical ward exceeded 60dBIvors Comment -"What else would you expect with the Phillips family working there?"<br /><br /><br />Hospital wards across the NHS are breaking recommended noise limits, disturbing patients' sleep, well-being and recovery, experts say.<br /><br />Two separate studies found the din of chattering visitors and loud mobile phones pushed noise levels well over recommended limits.<br /><br />The World Health Organization says patients should not be exposed to noise above 35 decibels or a loud whisper.<br /><br />But the UK researchers frequently recorded levels of 60dB to 90bB.<br /><br />Researchers at Musgrove Park Hospital, Taunton, found noise levels on an average general medical ward exceeded 60dB most of the time, even at night.wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-57936369890600250062009-11-29T17:09:00.003+00:002009-11-29T17:33:47.853+00:00Accident & Emergency<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtEKX_Fp4faaD23EsG53mTX3ewaGZofKyks1TiuPrZsmIn88aew7ihc91ZhlFxLW9qM1erXTVml7O_h9Ghd4ozqYlXUuYUnmFxGXiHRbyfToLqf7PwD6woWrKFHWCXvfcDr0dajTdpcfoj/s1600/23409.bmp"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 169px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5409580082731884786" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtEKX_Fp4faaD23EsG53mTX3ewaGZofKyks1TiuPrZsmIn88aew7ihc91ZhlFxLW9qM1erXTVml7O_h9Ghd4ozqYlXUuYUnmFxGXiHRbyfToLqf7PwD6woWrKFHWCXvfcDr0dajTdpcfoj/s200/23409.bmp" /></a><br /><div>Wivey 3rds would like to send their best wishes to Andy Ware after his recent microsurgery.<br /><br />We understand that Andy was rushed into hospital last week after Sarah noticed an unusual swelling late at night.<br /><br />Dr Willie Finder a spokesperson for the hospital said ' After initial assessment we realized the hands on approach was not an option and called in the microsurgery team.'<br /><br />Nurse Vi Agra who helped Andy complete his admission form commented ' The operation went and we would not expect anything otherwise due to Andy's Teetotal, non smoking healthy lifestyle'<br /><br /><strong>Other Medical News<br /></strong><br />After breaking down at half time recently whilst refeering a match Pete Thompson visited his Doctor.<br /><br />When his Doctor requested a urine sample Thomo handed over his underpants.</div>wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-81394711129649529852009-11-29T12:40:00.001+00:002009-11-29T19:11:17.775+00:00Mike 'Elmer Fudd' PhillipsThe has been a rumour going around that Mike Phillips has actually managed to shoot a fox and a rabbit.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/OiEUDzIrEQE&hl=en_GB&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/OiEUDzIrEQE&hl=en_GB&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Today we can reveal that this rumour is true, but the taxidermnist threatened court action unless mike replaced his shop window.wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-8165657075857610142009-11-27T21:55:00.000+00:002009-11-29T21:59:04.229+00:00'World's worst' e-fit sparks arrest<em>Ivor's Comment' I'm not sure they got the right Man'</em><br /><br />Bolivian police managed to track down a man wanted for murder from what was described as the world's worst photo-fit.<br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 96px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5409647701157119074" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwIsGGMOjlYEGT4mBEVjyNnY9W5se8IxicQf0T0ZjLE7uTUx2u1VFH9xTuY0LklFbe5oh9wymC-9OrT6Ow6GUCPovVFALxVKsTGGC0_r5sHZGrQPO2eM-Nqk635JG9eyXBk_FXgIjEKL_z/s400/bp.jpg" /><br />Officials issued an appeal for help, and one neighbour drew a picture of what she believed the suspect looked like - though many other people have said her drawing resembles nothing more than the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz.<br /><br />The picture, more reminiscent of a child's school drawing than a piece of forensic evidence, consists of a pair of eyes, lopsided lips, a broomstick-shaped nose, and straight eyebrows topped with hair resembling a thatched roof.wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-32462760418356137012009-11-09T18:17:00.000+00:002009-11-29T18:22:20.141+00:00What lies beneath?Apparently the vast majority of Scotsmen still choose to wear nothing beneath their kilts, according to a survey out today.<br /><br />A survey of men north of the border revealed that 69 per cent of kilt-wearers prefer to "go commando".<br /><br />Of the remainder, 14 per cent said they wore boxers and 10 per cent chose briefs - with 7 per cent admitting to falling into the rather ambiguous "other" category. One man admitted wearing a thong with a Batman motif.<br /><br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 134px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5409591921506621186" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieFyW2-Ju9uGPwxkrdI6DJyfFZQnsCkzckNs4mhiK73zg2cbPzcaTh3dVnIDH7GSd6kKY5VH0NAS3vfhS6SVUkmD6Csb_Ad0H3HpCpPxgD1_uPcjx0uEcv1uWMKTweabWdOmbbxgFSnj2O/s200/1.bmp" /><br />Researchers found that a large number of Scotsmen often made up their minds on the basis of how formal the occasion was. Many preferred to wear underwear for occasions such as weddings, while on less formal outings such as rugby matches they went without.<br /><br />Do we think Ben is a thong man?wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-67699839741950913432009-08-24T19:57:00.000+00:002009-08-24T19:57:00.704+00:00A natural move for an estate agentThe new <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Wookly</span> Hole witch has inspired Bruce <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Keay</span> to make his next career move.<br /><br /><div><div></div><div>This <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">occurred</span> after the new witch proclaimed “I am on top of the moon. This is a natural step up from my current job as an estate agent. You need <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">witchy</span> skills to sell houses at the moment.</div><div> <img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 140px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5371397882875831986" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZsj3b3Kml70cj8hz9v7LsQW2p_CFjaoyrx7EFulObUIElqDHIkSJSMTAc90M-Fg3wmjNYfZznmDY1_n_iDAwdYfY9o8Fsi0d2IY_ZdYfNB1Ek1GfrFVYj7pGRCdXokasMonAnocZhiusH/s200/Z21.jpg" /></div><br /><div>We now hear that <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">bruce</span> is in secret <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">negotiations</span> to replace the present Basil <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Fawlty</span> in <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Fawlty</span> Towers.</div><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 133px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5371397878106127218" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikizRhocQL-C21EykQDgAR50QZXWlttms8Sx1sEk0TpehpFOoGPd94fI-lc7IG1gjPy8yFUZYkBlvNcubdkbONqB0skHxZZF1KxYOJAb2t_3VdFo9ZwwSs1sqrG-yW9Dyfjfq0A1zh1ESi/s200/basilfawlty3ql.jpg" /><br /><div></div><div>'Being a right miserable grumpy git he should fit in well' said Lynn</div><div> </div><div>It is <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">understood</span> that Max Green is also being lined up to be the next 'Manuel'</div></div>wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-88087436045050750352009-08-21T17:04:00.004+00:002009-08-21T17:11:25.490+00:00Swine flu-the factsI called the Swine Flu hotline ... all I got was crackling.<br /><br />I heard that the first symptom is that you come out in rashers.<br /><br />Another is that you get the trotts.<br /><div><p><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 147px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372464918208905218" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0aiQ7UVmQLWZevTncr0MjtISf_Zgg5wYTsasSmu5z1aLmPs5nwFO9niNVN-zKM_pQohh5ER1nZYlOghZFITa-5C8VKCIMnP332fDAytQXON9CXo3ToAXZ1joHHSMPHN4LkmwCocupEYG8/s200/Retford+pig.jpg" /><br />But, I woke up with pig tails this morning ... Should I be worried?<br /><br />The doctor asked me how long I'd had the symptoms of Swine Flu. I said it must have been about a Weeeeeeeeeeeeeek!<br /><br />Apparently my mate's got Swine Flu, I think he's just telling porkies, though. </p><p><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 128px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 79px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372465428110901138" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN02QLO6R1ZuJTwthC1qqkSTC4Odfef9T3V5kXy7EsaTLZMtLKL2kE0DOzKsOHpvn_Te9CWiaHQue3j3ECbpgaCDus-dQxqcZBmK0G3KoweR7KFkGp2b5kQUz0G9PoJcbZnJJHqo5dbpQJ/s200/Thomo+With+Spit+The+Dog.JPG" /><br />The only known cure for Swine Flu in humans has been found to be the liberal application of oinkment.<br /></p><p><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372464919273226882" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisAbtmLu6Ex-VhB9nCikAU8r8Geyhn88pSPsG9igDmBGDGaKqLFpjRp-IB0D2FPXQM0SxgBo3AVmS6f_GrvrPahhetcuh_qFLzWIpI6OJ7TK2RL3iUbG-vYI7-VRAJUGn0UDoZhJD-S5_a/s200/Retford+Pig+Leaving+Wivey.JPG" /><br />This little piggy went to market,<br />This little piggy stayed at home,<br />This little piggy had roast beef,<br />This little piggy had none.<br />And this little piggy had influenza A virus subtype hemagglutinin protein<br />1 neuraminidase protein 1<br /><br />Swine flu, however, is not a problem for the pigs because they're all<br />going to be cured anyway.<br /><br />News Flash .... this just in. The world's religious leaders have issued a<br />joint declaration that the Swine Flu pandemic is the start of the aporkalypse.<br /><br />Swine flu has now mixed with bird flu. Scientists say they will find a cure when pigs fly.<br /><br />I just heard on the news that, "Swine Flu could potentially be a threat to<br />every single person in the world". Well it's a good thing I'm married then, isn't it?<br /><br />This is not a time for panic. It is no pig deal. It is a mild hamademic, don't believe the spam you're getting.<br /><br />Half price on return flights to Mexico - it's not like you're comingback, is it? </p><p><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 118px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372465418675053698" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdmmPHj_ZN6PV05mMpggqZCMTxSYivasukxBc2JIlmtZaVZbeHm_f1hvg4DZQE4GqFM_3k817ZKV_U8uS4gygXX9TIscdgT6M_73-ZCZdtdgGLjgmc0uG93PtqOcvVLfEk-HB-k36ARy8L/s200/mike2.gif" /><br />You've got to hand it to the Mexicans. Even Osama Bin Laden didn't scare this many Americans.<br /></p></div>wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-47706428831412389562009-08-19T19:25:00.000+00:002009-08-19T19:25:00.250+00:00DO NOT BE AFRAID OF SHINY, YELLOW BALL IN THE SKY, SAY EXPERTA Wiveliscombe expert is urging people not to panic when a large, shiny yellow ball appears in the skies over Wivey this week.<br /> <img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5371390960014404146" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKZ99RNKAbRt-FXibSghjvNvWo5BN4NK72ljqHviPN3ph3wC1SPsZNy31itzErkXNxVnF-JDDITJnCtODENCVkLGZS9j2xLSF9W6O506uSdoB6Cc39jhWpip-w2zAYVSfQkM0F-zfuCK0o/s200/sumo-wrestler-lawn-sculpture.jpg" /><br />Professor Stuart Norman , of the Institute for Studies, said: "It's natural to be afraid, but we are 99% certain that the shiny, yellow ball means us no harm.<br /><br />"Our computer modelling suggests it will encourage plant growth and pollination, as well as leading to a significant increase in white wine, ice cream and nipples as women remove their brassieres in what we think will be some sort of sacrificial offering.<br /><br />"Indeed I advise, young women to remove as much of their clothing as possible while the shiny ball is visible, otherwise it could kill them. It totally could."<br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 164px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5371390969090320882" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWneFn9_rxZyrHqWq0g-Obd6pZzcXjJgO4tyheYP6uczdbmfTVQvmFYTdqH14BsOlKJguzWyzsK7xKKf5ejHJwopjR5u50SN8A1Ki0_fPy6llPTzJjd74jI2HcxSy0PRpzlypOBcHfzTkW/s200/Aplin++lynn+having+a+feel+of+rob-s+boobs-.jpeg" />Wiveliscome 3rd team and Daryl Smith are not encouraged to expose the 'Man Boobs' though.<br /><br />Professor Norman added: "Don't waste your time trying to touch it because, as far as we have been able to determine, it is quite a long way away.<br /><br />"Possibly as far away as the moon, or Bristol."wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-21661581271039442852009-08-17T17:58:00.003+00:002009-08-17T18:12:25.817+00:00Transvestite cult baffles religious leadersReligious leaders in India are baffled by a bizarre new transvestite cult in <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Wiveliscombe</span> for men to live as a Hindu love goddess.<br /><br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5370997034984988290" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyPvuMPRWzzaE4gPR0O1YUaOdDshzw7c5GN1nXE6MpTjA3Zd8V1ntVCayu4fs0A0sne2iVw0hKhgF_KvBMpEe9E9wrYEsxfnoZmuu__G0nutThZdcIhGMiqATPiTw0auBQCnspVo-Zj0fI/s200/Broome+and+Son+(2).jpg" /><br />Thousands of devotees are now dressing up as <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Radha</span> - the goddess lover of Krishna - like retired scarecrow Martin <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Broome</span>, 41.<br /><br />"I can't put it into words properly but I feel more holy dressed as a woman," said <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Broomena</span> of New Delhi (The <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Restaurant</span>).<br /><br />"The Lord told me he wanted me as his bride and I won't ever have to worry about the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">CSA</span> again."<br /><br />But the cult has astonished traditional religious leaders.<br /><br />Senior priest <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Mohammad</span> <span style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffff00">Mustafa Phil Leeps</span> said: "There are many ways to be closer to the Lord without trying to be his girlfriend - like my AK-47."wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-9216416336365646152009-08-08T10:36:00.002+00:002009-08-08T10:46:38.283+00:00As the new Season approaches............Give a good home to an old donkey<br /><br /><br /><p><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 154px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 251px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5367542366383127634" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-CdEMXPXKtCJpl8cywvhVYd0r12uoklH1opmZBCJoM7GZImRILSJKFCQbpa5mC0_S8kEtL6qfLTKpj6QA6xhyphenhyphenUk6fZ3My6-jqwhGsTsfOI-m8McqvIEzf6wRHYB6PHNtiHiKeufLt_jPi/s320/rob.jpg" /><br />We are looking for a home for this old boy! We have taken him in, completely unhandled, to save him from having to go to the sale. He has great potential for a cart donkey, companion or even a riding donkey for a child.</p><p> He is heavy boned,and is around 48-52" at this time. I don't have a measuring stick big enough to accurately measure him. He is considered a rescue and is in dire need of a good home! We don't have the facilities to keep him for long but do not want him to go to the sale to end up unloved and unhandled. He is already enjoying his neck and ear rubs but will need a lot of work. He seems to do what he is told and gets used to his routines very quickly!</p><p> If you think you can help email saveadonkey@wivey3rds.co.uk</p>wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-20175665624816536182009-08-08T08:51:00.000+00:002009-08-08T11:10:33.836+00:00More Donkey's<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihSO525d48-Q8062MgA5n6UPNPqImIh_5jpIX3r588UP9IlJD6PR1Cb91H2xTFma5m9Kzw9tMBoqmzVWM2MWZjDrym0gafu4WRl3zfLWJn_VJbLJ9d5pM1a3NuoyRglBTOxQ2C-m3AY8n3/s1600-h/Alexadra+Keay.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 80px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 103px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5367547686812977554" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihSO525d48-Q8062MgA5n6UPNPqImIh_5jpIX3r588UP9IlJD6PR1Cb91H2xTFma5m9Kzw9tMBoqmzVWM2MWZjDrym0gafu4WRl3zfLWJn_VJbLJ9d5pM1a3NuoyRglBTOxQ2C-m3AY8n3/s200/Alexadra+Keay.jpg" /></a>Bruce has a very inquisitive nature and is always looking for things to play with. Recently he found an empty bucket and pushed it all around the yard with his nose, taking great delight in the noise he was making!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWJhQzMAabrUN9BkO4xGUqg6bdmIlI6uwUOhZDPa9kRGxWYcrOg4VcdxHNaqvQ6fc8TsZeZKwSLYBDioaaKCF4Fe4LHfsCNoUeg9RwJsJy28DSby493oPuK-RK3wMpSHsVSPEO4mCAVe6B/s1600-h/Broome.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv-mwXuaxV1tgnpSCWZOqkOAulo69jkWPLgedJafTV_y2HICLziGFGnq4Cy59v1uSTGqHes7tWYjuqZhEWBI8QalGSg4lFEeUIKWnGrTC3sEkjqdVpywEmNbNQMKe3AMfL7f9fa-SBp756/s1600-h/beal.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 100px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 135px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5367545654250369506" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv-mwXuaxV1tgnpSCWZOqkOAulo69jkWPLgedJafTV_y2HICLziGFGnq4Cy59v1uSTGqHes7tWYjuqZhEWBI8QalGSg4lFEeUIKWnGrTC3sEkjqdVpywEmNbNQMKe3AMfL7f9fa-SBp756/s200/beal.jpg" /></a>Jimmy is proving to be a very popular donkey and is beginning to enjoy all the attention he gets from visitors, who often admire his lovely, velvety grey coat! He has even started coming to the fence to meet the children. He continues to be as popular as ever in the riding arena, and giving rides to the children with special needs is something he is now very proud of!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl7kfAc9svykxNhVOF3Mrmy7K3CzEPzuu1hfGqHG26jnMSs_2RXIJl-QYNlpm7dt36fUeJk2Pc-1Xa5uy6jnO1_favgbpdcoyVkuq49_c8MYMaXyGtfGTMmd-r8tCcxoffB7CqKClGrW27/s1600-h/The+Thompsons.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5367548395860249538" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl7kfAc9svykxNhVOF3Mrmy7K3CzEPzuu1hfGqHG26jnMSs_2RXIJl-QYNlpm7dt36fUeJk2Pc-1Xa5uy6jnO1_favgbpdcoyVkuq49_c8MYMaXyGtfGTMmd-r8tCcxoffB7CqKClGrW27/s200/The+Thompsons.JPG" /></a>Whilst practising long-reigning in anearby Park, we noticed that Pete was fascinated by the white lines marking out the rugby pitch. He was so intrigued, that he began to walk along the lines, refusing to go any other direction.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSOpU8M9AjMrviqD8OcUHqpS64K31NGsWerUxZtkqdH-HdqG-Yg0m0QWCEnz3EOapyAitRpMW-6RSJmjSPOPqlehFpaQa-F5n89XvJ-JIKjxTQQtGyjT9KYSFwd58_Bg0_V_gsLzVUzW2O/s1600-h/Mike+Patriotic.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 131px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 141px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5367546245889751426" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSOpU8M9AjMrviqD8OcUHqpS64K31NGsWerUxZtkqdH-HdqG-Yg0m0QWCEnz3EOapyAitRpMW-6RSJmjSPOPqlehFpaQa-F5n89XvJ-JIKjxTQQtGyjT9KYSFwd58_Bg0_V_gsLzVUzW2O/s200/Mike+Patriotic.JPG" /></a>Mike enjoys the attention they get from the residents. They especially like the gardens of the homes as they can nibble the grass on the way out!<br /><br />Mike always seems to enjoy himself - and we have discovered why. Recently he was seen staring intently at a large plasma screen television in the lounge of one of the residential homes. He would obviously be a television addict if given the opportunity!wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-63310644488295729612009-07-31T17:24:00.001+00:002009-07-31T17:26:17.372+00:00Local Goverment Association's list of banned wordsHow's about this for utter nonsense? The Local Government Association has created a list of 200 words which shouldn't be used by councils. Hmmm.<br /><br /><a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7949077.stm">Click here to see the list.</a><br /><br />Apparently council staff should avoid using these words in order to communicate effectively. What do you think?wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-75320247839484482072009-06-30T21:18:00.000+00:002009-06-30T21:19:19.723+00:00When the Wivey Lads Go To London Town<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/VLLXpsV4Q4U&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/VLLXpsV4Q4U&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-70155604650788730272009-05-23T11:02:00.001+00:002009-05-23T11:04:40.756+00:00Mike Phillips Playing GolfWe understand that Mike is almost as good as golf as he is at rugby. Here the proof?<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/NpeFcg0uiuk&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/NpeFcg0uiuk&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-47532524090755374662009-05-23T10:47:00.005+00:002009-05-23T10:58:58.744+00:00Obstruction in Silver Street<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRlBDwSRmoWvjlwQ2rmraxL_LtxOYVXt2mnJgpRSzGx1oJhLLV1GD3EuSU5LBKZ1hiv-f_g9b0FmYdVwldX6ABWbP0gxQnVvY1XqSf2s3w2ALVYnjHu8ph13ml9HGAxvejEkjkUX11Mpcx/s1600-h/Steptoe_Broome.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5338971740510411298" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 118px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 164px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRlBDwSRmoWvjlwQ2rmraxL_LtxOYVXt2mnJgpRSzGx1oJhLLV1GD3EuSU5LBKZ1hiv-f_g9b0FmYdVwldX6ABWbP0gxQnVvY1XqSf2s3w2ALVYnjHu8ph13ml9HGAxvejEkjkUX11Mpcx/s320/Steptoe_Broome.jpg" border="0" /></a> After a recent obstruction occurred in the road in Silver Street Martin Broome has suggested that the Government should supply jetpacks for the elderly. <div><br /><div>This happened after a man from the bottom of Golden Hill on his mobility scooter had to avoid objects on the road and pavement in Silver Street .</div><br /><div>This way they don't block the pavements and roads with those slow little machines that they have. This will reduce congestion so will be good for the environment. The elderly may have more fun in their life, more fun than bingo, and as there are no cars in the sky it will be much safer. </div><br /><div>He said 'Soon everyone will want jetpacks and the world will be a better place.'</div></div>wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-73788456420869990302009-05-22T12:09:00.002+00:002009-05-23T12:15:54.221+00:00Breaking News<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj949Sv7IwVkrIYk9M2G-uUVyniWZRAq-BMema5CauOfR7eDdxoYcrUJFTLHw7KdaEzg0g8hNWIV5YGumAczG2oaN0eSpMr5jclt30Yrzhd41FpLBR7UVHpwTlCgR2S5CqG6OEZ-CbuJl72/s1600-h/253955_rubix_cube.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 299px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj949Sv7IwVkrIYk9M2G-uUVyniWZRAq-BMema5CauOfR7eDdxoYcrUJFTLHw7KdaEzg0g8hNWIV5YGumAczG2oaN0eSpMr5jclt30Yrzhd41FpLBR7UVHpwTlCgR2S5CqG6OEZ-CbuJl72/s320/253955_rubix_cube.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5338992005381532738" /></a><br />More news from our 'Wivey Today' section in tomorrows edition when we interview the Wivey Colts player who recently solved one side of the Rubick's Cube.wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-46025761844620218782009-04-28T20:09:00.002+00:002009-04-28T20:13:48.626+00:00Wivey Fireman Fight Pig FluI hear that Wivey Firemen were sent into the Bear to combat a suspected case of pig flu. I understand from a source that the bar was cordoned off whilst Andy Priest ate all of the Pork scratching whilst Daryl Smith and Neil Higgins went down into the cellar after the Smokey Bacon crisps emerging hours later.<br /><br />A Spokesperson for the Fire Service praised their bravery " We are concerned about possible side effects especially after the Mexican Chilli they all had at the weekend"<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5329837312050146578" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 266px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjuGUcSJy_bWO0h9jjWy_Z1-BfYak3eVisOi1Nl-8I9yP99ompKJfTXMB1b8-HYSIwr3DSb9Z_vZtmCNnScmle1NKbZd9BL-iR14SiSW8K_jTqCyUDN9rHkH0iK7Z6Z6OHrSP_K8UtVaIy/s320/keal.jpg" border="0" />Health experts have suggested that another possible outbreak in Brompton Ralph appears to be the widely-known P19-Luv strain, for which there is no cure.<br /><br />The farmer a member of Wivey Young Farmers, who runs the farm told officials that his pig had seemed fine two nights ago, but was keen to point out that he had never had sex with her.wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683562015241843477.post-64684671994576935502009-02-25T20:39:00.000+00:002009-02-25T20:39:01.045+00:00Public Servants"Give me a sentence about a public servant", asked Ben Parnell to one of his Bridgwater pupils.<br /><br />The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."<br /><br />Ben took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" he asked.<br /><br />"Sure", said the young student confidently. "It means 'carrying a child'.wivey3rdshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280390848996349849noreply@blogger.com