Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Excuse for speeding

I hear that Charlotte Phillips was pulled over on for speeding on the Taunton Road last week. When asked for her driver's license, she argued, "Speeding??? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the and the car behind me."

Monday, 10 March 2008

Tiverton 3rds 0 Wivey 3rds 22

With skipper Rob Aplin away on holiday it was left to Mike Phillips to leave his golf and fishing alone to rally the troops this week. With many players unavailable this was not an easy task for him but thanks to several colts who stepped in at the last minute, to everyone's surprise he managed to count up to 15.

On a cold windy afternoon in Devon, Wivey started the game well but despite lots of pressure in the early stages failed to score. Tiverton responded well and began to put pressure on in the scrum and loose play and for a while the game was evenly matched. Credit must go to Wivey colts Matt Ellis and Graham Broom in the front row up against a very experienced Tiverton front row.

Midway through the first half Wivey finally scored after a series of passes out wide Dave Huxtable ran in to score a try in the corner. This was soon followed by a series of forward phases and the ball went out wide for winger Omar ' Hair Gel' Rawlings to score. Both tries went unconverted and the half time score was 10 - 0.

In the second half Wivey continued to pile on the pressure and big Dave ' Steamroller' Brant ran over and past several Tiverton players to make a 25yd break. From the following ruck the ball was passed out to Ben Parnell to score under the posts. He also converted this try of which he repeatedly reminded us all evening. At 17 - 0 the result was not in doubt and Wivey relaxed for a while and Tiverton's tackling prevented more tries. Near the end Dave Brant finished off a forward move to score Wivey's fourth try to make the final score 22 - 0.

Once again another good satisfying performance on a cold, windy afternoon

Green Fingers

No matter how hard my Tommy tries, every plant or flower he has attempted to grow seems to wither and die an untimely death under his care. But he never gives up hope.

Whilst visiting his home recently, a friend pointed to a line of new plants that Tommy had placed by the kitchen bay window.

“Look,” she whispered,“death row.”

Twit & Twoo

After Farmer Dave's and Dr Dave's really bad Teat Owl joke this weekend I think we have a new nickname for them - Twit & Twoo

A message for the Welsh

For all you Welsh people in the Bear Saturday evening !!

Thomo's Carbon Footprint

After a recent environmental project it is understood that Pete Thompson intends to reduce his Carbon Footprint by eating less baked beans in Whelan's of a Saturday morning.

Spokesperson for Fiends of the Earth, Martin Broom commented
' I was prepared to hold the bottom of the ladder whilst activists climbed on Thomo's roof with banners. I am pleased to say this will not be necessary and we will now target Stuart ' Mr Methane' Norman'

Saturday, 1 March 2008

Boss bans smelly undies

The boss of a Wellington company has banned staff from coming into work with dirty underwear.

Rob Aplin said: "I am fed up with people with poor personal hygiene standards. I have now made it a sackable offence for people to come in without having a shower,- or with dirty underwear."

He has also banned staff from smelling after eating garlic or curry - warning that they need to make sure they brush their teeth - and use perfume and deodorant.

Mr Aplin, who runs a garage in Rockwell Green, sent out an official memo to all employees demanding they adopt good standards of personal hygiene especially in his garage lavatory where hideous smells are left regularly.

The memo warned all employees to make sure they brush their teeth, take showers regularly, flush the staff toilet and change their underpants every day.

He did not say how he would make sure his clean underpants rule was followed but warned it would be enforced.