Tuesday, 29 May 2007

Dame Edna Broome

Here we see Martin Broome's impersonation, providing you with an incredible lookalike / soundalike tribute to Dame Edna for any occasion. He is available for private events and parties; corporate entertainment, marketing campaigns and product launches; as well as film, television, radio, and commercials. Many people suggest though that he should be incarcerated in a maximum-security twilight home for the insane with that hairdo.

Dame Steptoe is revered for his insights into Wivey rugby. When asked why Wivey 3rds have had a good season he commented "Good food and diet; open air life; alcohol; women and the total absence of any kind of intellectual distraction. Look at Mike Phillips for a start !"

Sir Lesley Colin Patterson is a Dame Steptoe Broomes alter ego. Lecherous and offensive, this farting, belching, nose-picking figure of excess is an Wiveliscombe Falstaff.

Affectionately known as "Worzel" 0r "Steptoe", he has served Wivey 3rds in many roles from hooker to flanker.His humour abounds in such a wide range of stereotypes. Let face it with hair like that you must have a sense of humour.

Wiveliscombe's Minister for Sport with special responsibility to keep sports rampantly heterosexual and "blokey" have commented " Dame Broome abstract girly hairstyle has caused us a few problems, but he still has hair unlike many other wivey 3rds team players."

Dame Broome is ably assisted by his Eggy Broome shown below.

I hear Eggy boasts of his prowess with women and his trips to Wellington's "rub and tug shops".

He jokes that "the best place to hide something from his a father is under a bar of soap". He also represents Wivey Colts, but I hasten to add not in court they get legal aid for that.

Friday, 25 May 2007

Wivey's rising wave of teenage drinking

Young people are drinking more now than they used to. Studies have shown that young people in Wivey are drinking more per drinking session and having more sessions per week than they did ten years ago.

Chief Inspector Dick Head of the Wiveliscombe Constabulary said "We are seizing increasing amounts of alcohol from underage people. We have powers to seize alcohol from young people, and we can dispose of it as we see fit when we get it home".

"It is illegal to sell alcohol to anyone under the age of 18, but more and more young people seem to be getting into trouble with their drinking.We're trying to educate people. However, we find that parents can sometimes be the problem. "

Youngsters in Wiveliscombe now look up to their role models Andy Ware, Stuart Norman and Daryl Smith. Drinking alcohol in moderation is not usually a problem. It can become a problem when heavy drinking and drunkenness become frequent and this style of use is continued into later life. Normally, as people get older, their responsibilities increase and their alcohol use goes down.

What amount is safe to drink? About two pints if your Mike Phillips at the Dinner and Dance !

According to the Department of Health men should not drink more than three to four units of alcohol a day, and women should drink no more than two to three. These benchmarks apply whether you drink every day, once or twice a week, or occasionally. Twice the recommended amount and beyond is classed as 'binge' drinking. Although national figures suggest that binge drinking is slightly in decline except in the Bear Wiveliscombe, it is very much on the rise among young people. The current licensing laws mean that people mean will have more hours to drink at pubs and clubs.

Wednesday, 16 May 2007

Crazy laws around the world

According to an ancient law, it’s OK to shoot a Welsh person with a bow and arrow – as long as you’re inside the city walls and it’s after 12pm. But where? Chester.

So if you’re Welsh - or even if you look it - watch your back late at night in Chester.

Comment:- Think this law should be extended to the rest of the country

Most places would arrest you for being drunk in possession of a car – but in Scotland extends this to being drunk in possession of a cow?

So don’t take your cow to the pub north of the border – however tempted you may be

Comment:- Never take the wife on a distilery holiday tour of Scotland

We’ve all heard of the fashion police – but in Australia is it actually illegal to wear bright pink trousers

In the Australian state of Victoria, don’t even think about donning a pair of “hot pink pants” outside - especially after midday on a Sunday.

Comment:- Jimmy avoid Australia for your next holiday

If your house is on fire but you’re peckish while you wait for the fire brigade, don’t have a snack in the US city of Chicago or you could be up for arrest. But which one?

It’s forbidden to eat in a place that’s on fire in the Windy City – so watch out next time you ask for a flame-grilled burger.

Antwerp has banned people from wearing a red hat and walking down the main street? (We can only guess it’s an attempt to improve its sartorial standing.)

So expect to see only blue, black, white, green, yellow or purple headwear on the streets of Antwerp (what about Santa?).

Comment:- Could Santa get down the Chimney?

Tuesday, 15 May 2007

Dinner and Dance Photos

Exclusive pictures from the aftermath of last weekends dinner and dance.

Mike Phillips was a bit hungry when he arrived home

Daryl Smith in his favourite room after a night out.

Martin Broome at work the next day.

Wivey Colts sleeping accommodation