Monday, 24 August 2009
Friday, 21 August 2009
I heard that the first symptom is that you come out in rashers.
Another is that you get the trotts.
But, I woke up with pig tails this morning ... Should I be worried?
The doctor asked me how long I'd had the symptoms of Swine Flu. I said it must have been about a Weeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
Apparently my mate's got Swine Flu, I think he's just telling porkies, though.
The only known cure for Swine Flu in humans has been found to be the liberal application of oinkment.
This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed at home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy had influenza A virus subtype hemagglutinin protein
1 neuraminidase protein 1
Swine flu, however, is not a problem for the pigs because they're all
going to be cured anyway.
News Flash .... this just in. The world's religious leaders have issued a
joint declaration that the Swine Flu pandemic is the start of the aporkalypse.
Swine flu has now mixed with bird flu. Scientists say they will find a cure when pigs fly.
I just heard on the news that, "Swine Flu could potentially be a threat to
every single person in the world". Well it's a good thing I'm married then, isn't it?
This is not a time for panic. It is no pig deal. It is a mild hamademic, don't believe the spam you're getting.
Half price on return flights to Mexico - it's not like you're comingback, is it?
You've got to hand it to the Mexicans. Even Osama Bin Laden didn't scare this many Americans.
Wednesday, 19 August 2009
Professor Stuart Norman , of the Institute for Studies, said: "It's natural to be afraid, but we are 99% certain that the shiny, yellow ball means us no harm.
"Our computer modelling suggests it will encourage plant growth and pollination, as well as leading to a significant increase in white wine, ice cream and nipples as women remove their brassieres in what we think will be some sort of sacrificial offering.
"Indeed I advise, young women to remove as much of their clothing as possible while the shiny ball is visible, otherwise it could kill them. It totally could."
Wiveliscome 3rd team and Daryl Smith are not encouraged to expose the 'Man Boobs' though.
Professor Norman added: "Don't waste your time trying to touch it because, as far as we have been able to determine, it is quite a long way away.
"Possibly as far away as the moon, or Bristol."
Monday, 17 August 2009
Thousands of devotees are now dressing up as Radha - the goddess lover of Krishna - like retired scarecrow Martin Broome, 41.
"I can't put it into words properly but I feel more holy dressed as a woman," said Broomena of New Delhi (The Restaurant).
"The Lord told me he wanted me as his bride and I won't ever have to worry about the CSA again."
But the cult has astonished traditional religious leaders.
Senior priest Mohammad Mustafa Phil Leeps said: "There are many ways to be closer to the Lord without trying to be his girlfriend - like my AK-47."
Saturday, 8 August 2009
We are looking for a home for this old boy! We have taken him in, completely unhandled, to save him from having to go to the sale. He has great potential for a cart donkey, companion or even a riding donkey for a child.
He is heavy boned,and is around 48-52" at this time. I don't have a measuring stick big enough to accurately measure him. He is considered a rescue and is in dire need of a good home! We don't have the facilities to keep him for long but do not want him to go to the sale to end up unloved and unhandled. He is already enjoying his neck and ear rubs but will need a lot of work. He seems to do what he is told and gets used to his routines very quickly!
If you think you can help email firstname.lastname@example.org
Jimmy is proving to be a very popular donkey and is beginning to enjoy all the attention he gets from visitors, who often admire his lovely, velvety grey coat! He has even started coming to the fence to meet the children. He continues to be as popular as ever in the riding arena, and giving rides to the children with special needs is something he is now very proud of!
Whilst practising long-reigning in anearby Park, we noticed that Pete was fascinated by the white lines marking out the rugby pitch. He was so intrigued, that he began to walk along the lines, refusing to go any other direction.
Mike enjoys the attention they get from the residents. They especially like the gardens of the homes as they can nibble the grass on the way out!
Mike always seems to enjoy himself - and we have discovered why. Recently he was seen staring intently at a large plasma screen television in the lounge of one of the residential homes. He would obviously be a television addict if given the opportunity!