I hear that Matt Ellis had the colts round his house last week late one night, and led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that big brass gong for?" Graham Broome asked.
"Why, that's the talking clock" Matt replied.
"How does it work?" asked Toby West. "Watch", Matt said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For fuck sake, you wanker, it's 2am in the fucking morning!!"