A team of researchers are celebrating hardly at all following their recent discovery of "the most boring substance in the known universe".
Scientists have known for many years that some chemical elements possess far more interesting properties than others though it's only relatively recently that "hyper-tedious substances" have become the focus of serious scientific research.
Early attempts to synthesize such substances were hampered by the problem of containment: Exposure to just a few atoms can result in a lab technician not being arsed to finish the experiment.
These researchers claim this substance could spread like a virus and suggest that people are at most risk when in conversation with a publican , teacher or estate agent.
If you find yourself exposed to this risk Government advice is to protect yourself by changing the topic of conversation to much more interesting material such as sport , women or whatever currently happening on East Enders.