Wellington Hurricane Appeal

A major hurricane (Hurricane Rob) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Wellington in the early hours of Tuesday with its epicentre in Rockwell Green.The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Welly FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Wellington

One resident - Tracy Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. The noise nearly made me crap in my knickers but then I remembered that I had left them in the toilet of the King Arms last night."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
Clean overalls
Red trainers
Any other items usually sold in Primark..

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9 and £5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

Please don't forward this to anyone living in Wellington - oh, sod it, they won't be able to read it, anyway.