Monday, 3 December 2007

God Upgrades to Vista

A spokesman for Heaven has announced that God the Almighty, the Creator of the Universe, has taken the plunge and upgraded from Windows XP to Windows Vista. It is expected that stuff will be better, the world will be faster and there will be fewer system crashes.

The spokesman, calling himself Gabriel, and speaking through His Holiness the Pope, said:

"When Microsoft released the new version of Windows, God wanted to see how well it worked before upgrading. Using His Omnipotent Presence, He has been observing Vista on millions of PCs and laptops across the world simultaneously for 40 days and 40 nights, and has decided that it is good. He made up His mind earlier today to upgrade the Universe, He accordingly purchased Windows Vista Professional from PC World."

There has been speculation about exactly what aspects of life will improve, now that God is using the newer operating system. Unfortunately, nobody has been able to answer this question yet. The downside will be that global warning will accelerate and Foot & Mouth and Bird Flu will spread more quickly.

Due to hardware incompatibilities, Wellington Rugby Club, Martin Broome and Mike Phillps wallett will cease functioning and become obsolete, though the Almighty hopes that nobody will notice the difference except Charlotte. Owners of Apple Macs will no longer be able to enter Heaven.

Gabriel added:

"If anyone knows how to hide the new sidebars, could he please mention it to the Almighty in his next prayer. The technical support number has unfortunately been engaged for hours."

Rumours though, that clouds over Wivey will have a picture of Pete Thompson on them as The Almighty changes his desktop theme have already frightened a lot of little children.

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