007 Is Back In New Film "Bloke, Car, and High Heels"

In a announcement, Wivey Studios and Chubby Rockoli have jointly named Omar Rawlings as the new James Bond. Omar will be cast in the role of British secret agent 007 in the next installment of the extraordinarily successful James Bond cinematic phenomenon.

Entitled "Bloke, Car, and High Heels", the film's plot involves 007's daunting task of subverting terrorists plotting to force Wivey rugby players to wear female clothing and loads of lipstick. Bonds arch enemy in this film is the dark and evil force Homotron and his evil crew who will be played by James Beale and the rest of the Village People.

The opening sequence of the film begins in an arid deserted wasteland - Fratton Park football ground before bond makes it back to M's office in Wivey where he is met by Miss Moneyspenty.

The plot then involves Bond tackling the leaders of warring factions to restore law and order, sending home asylum seekers and restoring stability and sanity in the ravaged region before leaving Kingsmead Close in search of Homotron.

The film ends with Omar, Bond trading everything in for a camel. He then returns to a Middle East beach with his camel, a beer, where he enjoys himself making sandcastles and topping up his tan.

It has also been revealed that comedian Tommy Acock will play the role of veteran inventor 'Q' after he has finished his latest film Harry Potter And The Order Of The Kit Bags. Tommy is said to be "elated" by the announcement, and is "heavily looking forward to shaking of his Mr Magoo tag"

Other cameo appearances include Francis Billinger as Dr 'No - Seriously', Stuart Norman as 'Odd Job' and Bruce Keay as Bond's nemesis Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Unfortunately the kitten who was due to appear as Blofeld's cat was run over in Wivey High Street by a speeding female driver yesterday.

It was hoped that Ben Elkins (0010) and Ross Porter (0011) would join together to play Special Agent 0023 but we have be told they have other commitments - More school holidays !

As any student that goes to Kingsmead School will tell you 0010 + 0011 = 0023

Wivey Studios have also turned down an offer from Wivey Ladies Rugby team to sing the "Bloke, Car, and High Heels" Bond theme tune on a karaoke machine. A spokesperson for Wivey studios commented "There is enough terror in the film already without them doing karaoke as well"