Wivey 3rds Late Night Out Last Saturday

Last of The Summer Whine

Wivey TV are to reamake an episode of the whimsical comedy with a penchant for light philosophy and full-on slapstick, that first run following the misadventures of three elderly friends and their mates tramping around the countryside.

The cast include Pete 'Foggy' Thompson; flat cap-wearing voice-of-reason Ben 'Cleggy' Parnell, a scruffy hormone-riddled layabout Martin 'Compo' Broome, Bruce 'Smiler' Keay and Mike 'Eli' Phillips.

In a world where men are just over-grown kids, the authority figures come in the shape of some of Wivey's most formidable women. There will be casting for the physically intimidating tea shop owner Ivy, and Nora Batty, with her wrinkled stockings and hair curlers, she's both a bogeyman figure curtailing the trio's fun and became an unlikely lust object for Compo.

'Compo Simonite'

Lunt villagers sick of graffiti

A campaign has been launched in the historic village of Lunt to change its name because vandals keep defacing road signs.The not-so-witty pranksters constantly change the village's name to an extremely rude swear word, reports the Daily Telegraph.

However, the proposal is dividing villagers in the Merseyside community who say they should not have to give up a name that has been around since the 13th century.

Martyn Ball, a retired police officer and prospective Conservative councillor, is urging residents to support the move because he is fed up with the graffiti which greets visitors to the village.
He said: "We are all painfully aware of the repeated times our village sign is defaced by mindless yobs who change the L to a C.

After an appeal for information on Crimewatch, hundreds of viewers phoned in to name Mike Phillips as the biggest Lunt.

David Roughley, whose family has farmed in Lunt since 1851, added: "At the end of the day we live in Lunt and we don't want to change because of a few yobs. It is the vandals who should change, not the village. It could be worse, we could be called Twatt!"

The State of the Country !

Message On The M5

It has been suggested to me that it was Richard Peircey who was driving this lorry up the M5 this morning.

Man 'Targeted By Green Aliens' Sent To Asylum

A Wiveliscombe man whose home has been hit an incredible five times by meteorites believes he is being targeted by aliens.



Experts are now investigating local magnetic fields to try and work out what makes him so attractive to big green men.

But Mr F, who has had a steel girder reinforced door and roof put on the house he rents has an alternative explanation.


He said: "I am obviously being targeted by extraterrestrials. I don't know what I have done to annoy them but there is no other explanation that makes sense. The chance of being hit by a meteorite is so small that getting hit five times has to be deliberate.

The strikes always happen when the pubs close and it is raining heavily, never when there are clear skies.He said: "I did not know what the strange-looking creatures were at first but I am being targeted by aliens. They are playing games with me. I don't know why they are doing this. When it rains I can't sleep for worrying about another strike."

Wivey 3rds 48 Chard 3rds 5

With Omar Rawlings off watching Portsmouth scrape though to the FA Cup final and Lee Milton Fyffe doing a late newspaper round Wivey struggled to raise a team for the 1pm start. This was compounded by Mike Phillips not arriving until half time but not may people noticed.

Playing up the slope in the first half Wivey struggled with the swirling wind and bad handling and only manged to score one try through Rob Stone breaking fron inside his own half, which was converted by Ross Porter leaving the half time score 7 - 0.


In the second half Wivey's handling improved and they made the most of their possession and the slope. Rob Stone completed a hat trick of tries, and Dave Huxtable, Baz Lockyer, Fly half Jamie and Matt Green also score tries. Prop Chris Roud also scores a try in the corner at at the end of the game and after several pints he was wondering if he was needed at work.

Ross Porter converted four leaving the score at the final whistle 48 - 5

In the bar afterwards the usual fines were toilet brushes and Ross Porter unsuccessfully tried to convince the twat that his wife cleaned the toilet with his toothbrush

Plan a bank raid - students told

Students are being asked to plan a bank robbery for an assignment. They have to work out how to rob a bank with a team of six within seven minutes, reports Information Times.

They have to come up with a robbery action plan for a team comprising a leader, a lock breaker, a driver, two robbers and a gunman.

The school teacher who came up with the assignment after watching the twat rob Wivey 3rds weekly, says it's aimed at teaching students how to allocate resources economically and efficiently.

"Students majoring in the arts usually do not have the training in thinking deliberately that students majoring in science do. So this also trains their thinking ability," he said.
The assignment involves teams of five or six students, with each team having to make its own presentation.

One student said: "We've never taken an assignment as seriously as this one. On our team, each person came up with a plan, and we picked the best one. We even timed ourselves on the college grounds."

The teacher who came up with the idea doesn't think the assignment will encourage students to rob a bank for real: "They're adults, and know what's right and wrong," he added.

Up and Underwater

No I am not talking about Mike Phillips retrieving his golf balls at Cedar Falls golf course !

Switzerland has started an underwater rugby competition with dozens of teams signed up for the new sport.The Swiss Underwater Sports Union says it's been flooded with requests from people wanting to learn the game.

It is now organising introduction days for newcomers. Underwater rugby is a six-a-side game for both men and women who are equipped with flippers, a snorkel and goggles.

The ball is filled with salt water and weighs 13lbs, and the aim of each team is to place it in the basket of the opposing team on the ground of the swimming pool. Players have to come to the surface to breathe.

Jan Maisenbacher of the Swiss Underwater Sports Union says: "Underwater rugby is the only three-dimensional sport."

The game was first developed in Germany to help train divers and has become the new hit sport on the continent this year.

One sunny afternoon Superman was out flying around. Crime was slow that day, so he decided to go over to Spiderman's house. Supe: "Hey Spidey, let's go get a burger and a beer!".


Spidey: "No can do, Supe. I've got a problem with my Web-shooter. Can't fight crime tomorrow without it".

So Superman heads over to the Bat Cave to see what's up. Supe: "Hey, Batman! Let's go get a burger and a beer!". Batman: "Not today, my friend. My BatMobile is down and it must be fixed today. Can't fight crime tomorrow without it".

Disgruntled, Superman takes to the air, cruising around the skies when he flies over a penthouse apartment. And what to his SuperVision does he see, but none other than WonderWoman, lying on the deck, spread-eagle, stark-naked! Supe gets a brilliant idea: "They've always said I'm faster than a speeding bullet and I've always wondered what she'd be like with all her Wonder Powers". So he zzoooooommms down and does her in a flash and is gone before anyone can notice. All of a sudden WonderWoman sits up and says, "What was that!?!". Then the Invisible Man gets off her and replies, "I don't know but it hurt like hell!"

Camel Beauty Pageant

A beauty pageant is being held in Abu Dhabi - for camels.Ten thousand camels will compete against each other with the chance of their owners winning more than £4m in prize money and up to 100 cars and other prizes to be won.

Camels from Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Qatar and Saudi Arabia will take part in the competition. The contest is part of the Mazayin Dhafra festival, with a panel of expert camel appreciators from Brompton Ralph will be judging each age group.

The ruler of Abu Dhabi, Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayed, has sponsored the event in its six years, reports BBC online.

After the contest there wil be an auction where some of you might like to see how many camels you can get for your partners and wives.

Fair Exchange??

Colts Suffer Trauma After Listening to Wivey Ladies CD

WARNING

The 'Wivey Ladies Sing Karaoke ' cd is a lethal killer. If found do not attempt to listen to it ! Call Scotland Yard's Anti Terrorist Unit immediately.

Basil Brush racist?

Basil Brush is at the centre of a police investigation after an allegation that an episode of the programme was racist to gypsies.

A complaint was made after an episode of the BBC show featured a gypsy character selling pegs and lucky heather and a joke about a fortune teller stealing Basil's wallet.

Gypsies from Kinsmead Close, Wiveliscombe reported the show to the Police alleging that the storyline is racist towards their community and way of life.

Michael Phillips, vice-chairman of the South West Romany, gypsy and Irish Traveller Network, called on the BBC to pull the episode and give travellers the same protection and respect they give to other ethnic minorities.

"They need to realise that gypsies and travellers are a recognised ethnic minority in this country and deserve the same treatment as any other group," he said.

"To perpetuate this myth about gypsies and travellers is wrong. Attitudes like this belong 20 or 30 years ago, we are supposed to have moved on since then.

"If they are going to keep showing this then I look forward to them bringing back the likes of Alf Garnett to the screen."

The BBC refused to comment on the situation, with a spokesman saying the matter was now in the hands of the police.

A spokesman for the Police said: "We can confirm we have received a complaint about a TV show featuring Basil Brush from a member of the public.

"The complaint was logged as an incident of a racist nature and we are now investigating."

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