Prayboy

Is this Thomo's reading material?

Speaking Clock

I hear that Matt Ellis had the colts round his house last week late one night, and led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" Graham Broome asked.

"Why, that's the talking clock" Matt replied.

"How does it work?" asked Toby West. "Watch", Matt said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For fuck sake, you wanker, it's 2am in the fucking morning!!"

The most bizarre transfers

Will anyone take Baz for a packet of peanuts??

The most bizarre transfers

Name: Ernie Blenkinsop

Transfer route: Cudworth to Hull

Year: 1921

'Fee': £200 and 80 pints of ale

Ok, so money was used here, but only as a sweetener to off-set the taste of bitter. Not that anyone in Cudworth, a village in South Yorkshire, needed any cheering up at the time.

It's not known whether the vast quantity of ale was shared among the inhabitants or simply guzzled by a sole, alcoholic director.

Blenkinsop wasn't too bothered either way, he went on to become England captain and a Sheffield Wednesday legend.

Inflatable sparks Clatworthy rescue

A major air search at Clatworthy Reservoir was called off - when two inflatable sheep were found. An RAF rescue helicopter and the Wivey Fire Engine were called out after a member of the public reported someone struggling in the water.

Fortunately after closer inspection emergency services only found two 3ft inflatable sheep, reports the Wivey Mirror. However, Wiveliscombe Fire Fighter Daryl Smith thought he recognized the object in the water as a balloon that he had purchased at Wivey Rugby Club Fete.

Daryl commented " I paid good money for that balloon and was going to let it go to waste and return the ticket if I could. At least the two inflatable sheep are doing well and recovering at Wivey Fire Station."

As we go to press though reports suggest the two inflatable sheep concerned have gone missing from Wivey Fire Station...........................

Miracle Cure

Insomniacs across Taunton Deane have had the first nights sleep in a long time after receiving a miracle cure. This occurrence coincided with Chester Locke appearance on the radio talking about his life story and forthcoming wedding in September.

One insomniac from Lion d'angers, Wivelisombe commented

"I even went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. He gave me a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with me, and then told me that if I ever expect to cure my insomnia, I just have to stop taking my troubles to bed with me"

I know, I said, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."