Court bans crotch-grabbing

The Italian supreme court has outlawed men from touching their genitals in public. Crotch-grabbing is an ancient superstitious habit in Italy that is believed to ward off the evil eye.


It's traditional for men to do it if passed by a hearse or when discussing serious illness or disasters.

However, the supreme court ruled that a 42-year-old man from Como had broken the law by "ostentatiously touching his genitals through his clothing".
His lawyers said he had a "compulsive, involuntary movement" because of uncomfortable overalls.


But the court ruled his behaviour was an "act contrary to public decency" and said the law "required everyone to abstain from conduct that is potentially offensive to collectively held feelings of decorum".

The man was fined £1520 and ordered to pay £760 in costs, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Judges pointed out that if men needed to grab their crotches, they should wait until they were in the privacy of their own home.

It is now understood that a local group of school teachers have cancelled their sky trip to Italy after hearing this news, and will be going to Poland instead.

104-year-old sprinter

Bloody hell ! He is faster that most of the 3rd team

A 104-year-old South African man has set a new world record for the 100 metre race.
Phillip Rabinowitz, from Cape Town, is now officially the world's fastest centenarian sprinter, reports the Daily Mirror.

He finished the 100 metres in 30.86 seconds, knocking more than five seconds off the previous best.

It's not quite the 9.74 seconds set by Asafa Powell in 2007 but Phil is 80 years older than the world record holder.

Phillip said: "I've always run and walked everywhere because when I was a kid there weren't any cars."

Hulk, Bulk or Giant ?

Yes you had better believe it!

Stuart Norman in fancy dress as the Incredible Hulk but does this character suit him. We would like to conduct a survey and ask the question:

Stuart Norman looks like the:

1...Incredible Hulk

2...Incredible Bulk

3...Jolly Green Giant

Answers to wivey3rds@hotmail.com

Moments of Love

Wivey Studios production 'Moments of Love' is a 2007 romance film hailed as one of the best love stories ever made. The film's exceptional visuals and storytelling helped the movie to earn praises from movie critics. It is also been praised for its stunning musical scoring, with popular entertainers Bruce Keay and Martin Broome acting in the movie as well as singing the movie's themesong.

It is a classic romantic tale between two people and the story revolves around a strange attraction that begins when they first speak with each other. Together they fill the emptiness they have always known all their lives.

In a sleepy town, time curves for two people to meet and part. In the end, all that is left are their Moments of Love.

Rocky's top six signs that you are too drunk

Here are Rocky's top ten signs that you are too drunk

1. You spent more time on the floor than you do standing up.
2. You can focus better with one eye closed.
3. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.
4. You don't recognize your partner unless seen through bottom of glass.
5. The whole bar including Andy Ware greets you when you come in.
6. Mike Philips looks good.

Murder Most Foul ??

Here we see a family gathering at Tony Lockyer's 50th birthday party with everyone in fancy dress. Food and karaoke was provided at Wivey Rugby Club for all present to eat and sing. Can you guess the fancy dress - Marilyn Monroe ? Gangster? Scotsman?

Well if you had heard them on karaoke Saturday evening you would have thought Marilyn Manson, Helvis Pressley, Dr Crippen and Ted Bundy was more appropriate the way several songs were murdered.

Martina Aplins Top 5 Signs That You May Be a Bad Driver

I looks like Martina Aplin is now using the public transport after her recent car accident.



Here are Martina's Top 5 tips that you may be a bad driver

1. Every time your cell phone rings while you're putting on makeup, you spill your wine, drop your DS and drive up the rear of the car in front of you.

2. The other day, you ran right into the garage door -- and it was *up* at the time.

3. The Police have memorized your date of birth, licence number, home address, and car registration plate number.

4. You see more middle fingers than a manicurist.

5. You have a reserved parking space with your name on it outside the Magistrates Court.

Soldier returns from leave a woman

An army officer called went on holiday leave - and came back as a woman called Jasmin.

Aparantly this is quite common for people taking leave or leaving HM Forces and can be blamed on stress of the war in places like Iraq and Afganistan

The 26-year-old captain took three months leave after complaining of stress, and had a sex change operation before returning to barracks.

Other officers and soldiers were reportedly shocked when Jasmin, whose full name has not been revealed by the army, came back.

But senior army staff have decided Jasmin can keep her old job and will not be demoted.

Defence Ministry officials have also accepted the decision by Jasmin, to have a sex change.

A press spokesperson for the MOD, said: "We accept this very personal decision."

A soldier at the barracks told the media: "Everybody has a weird feeling about it: a colleague leaving the building as a man and returning as a woman after his holiday is more than a bit strange. We will have to wait and see if this leads to problems."

Boy Gets Stuck In Mum's Handcuffs

An boy from Lion D'anger had to be freed by firefighters after getting stuck in a pair of handcuffs he found in his mum's bedroom.

Firefighters took the schoolboy to Wivey Fire Station to be freed with industrial metal cutters.The cuffs were described as made of "hardened steel" and not meant as a toy, reports The Wivey News.

Firefighter Daryl Smith said: "The little boy came to the fire station with his grandmother and had the cuffs hanging from one wrist.

"Before we released him I asked if he was on the run from the police but he assured me he wasn't. And then his grandmother said he'd found the cuffs in his mother's bedroom.

"She immediately realised what she'd said and put her hand over her mouth. It's beyond my wildest imagination why someone would keep handcuffs in their bedroom!"

Wivey Ladies Latest Picture

Puzzle

Apparently last week in the Bear, Martin Broome said to his son Eggy: 'You know that jigsaw puzzle I was doing son? You will never guess - I've finished it and only took me 6 months! '

Eggy replied ' Well dad what's so good about 6 months ??? '

Martin Broome responded: 'on the box it said 3 to 6 years'

Going Out Pass

Name:

I request permission for a leave of absence from my marital home for the following period:


Date Time of Departure Time of Return:

Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below. nor shall I speak to another female other than those listed without gaining oral permission to do so from my better half. Nor shall I consume above the allocated volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi, a pizza or ordering a tandoori. I understand that even if permission is granted my wife/partner retains the right to be pissed off with me the following day for no valid reason what so ever. In addition I confirm I will continue to wear any items of female clothing found about my person


Amount of alcohol allowed (units):

Locations likely to be visited:

Females likely to be encountered:

Strength of curry permitted:

I am a low life. I know who wears the trousers in our home, and it ain't me. I promise to abide by your rules and regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in chocolates and flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit cards in my absence. I hereby promise not to sleep overnight on a park bench next to a tramp (or in an alley) On my way home I will not pick a fight with a person who only exists in my inebriated mind, nor shall i conduct in depth discussions with said entity.

I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none) the above information is correct


Signed:



Request is APPROVED / REFUSED

This decision is not open to negotiation other than on my terms

Permission for my husband/partner to be away for the period

Date Time of Departure Time of Return


Signed

Would Sir like an A level with that?

McDonald's is now offering the equivalent of A levels on its menu, after winning government approval to become an exam board.

The 'basic shift manager' course which is being piloted will train staff in everything they need to run a McDonald's outlet, from marketing to human resources and customer service skills.

It marks the first time commercial companies have been allowed to award nationally recognised qualifications based on their own workplace training schemes.

Two other firms - Network Rail and Flybe - have also been approved to award their own qualifications, the Qualifications and Curriculum Authority has said.

South West Principal Michael Mc Twat said: 'It is right that we recognise and accredit employers that have shown a commitment to training and developing their staff.

'Giving qualifications equivalent status to A levels raises the prospect that staff could take a course at McDonald's and then go on to college or university. Every time I go into McDonalds Taunton to avoid the Musgrove staff canteen I see lots of kids that are bunking off school in there anyway.'

'This is an important step towards ending the old divisions between company training schemes and national qualifications, something that will benefit employees, employers and the country as a whole.'

But it will be universities and the higher education admissions service Ucas who decide whether the courses that emerge from these companies will be a good preparation for undergraduate study.

Wivey 2nds - Spot The Difference

Dear Ivor

I have been searching on the internet and I have found two pictures of those girlies in Wiveliscombe 2nd team. I wondered if your website groupies or yourself could spot the differences.

Just to give you a clue here is a few to start with; in the second picture:

A) Ballbag Norman has had a shave.
B) Rob Aplin is wearing black trainers.
C) Flapper Barington has got smaller breasts.
D) Daryl smith is wearing mens underwear.

I look forward to your comments with interest.

Warmest wishes
Biggus Dickus

Place your bets for 2008

Despite 2007 being a bit of a dire write-off for many of Wivey's sporting hopes, the odds are defiantly optimistic for next year. Bookies are inviting punters to place their 2008 bets - whether canny or crazy.

Early odds suggest it could be a good year for Wivey punters. Tony Lockyer is the shortest odds with Bill Hill to have his 100th fight on the rugby pitch, at 1-7 - and 9-4 to attend casualty after the match.

After a year of reunions for the likes of the Spice Girls, Rocky and John Darlow appear to be the bookies' tips for a 2008 comeback - offering 6-1 that they will team up again. Meanwhile Omar Rawlings is just 3-1 to rejoin his former team mates in Wivey Ladies

The Queen is 150-1 to knight an Wivey 3rds teacher for services against insomnia - but just 16-1 to abdicate.

In less exalted social circles, Dolly the Sheep is 5-1 to marry a member of Wivey 2nds, though Will Hill do not seem to specify. Meanwhile Ladblokes are offering 4/1 on the axing of Bruce Keay's Wivey Messenger column or the chances of anyone reading it 400-1.

Other hopes of Wivey success include Baz Lockyer scooping one of the top Oscar prizes (7-2), Stuart Norman remaining silent for more than 2 seconds (20-1) and Tommy attending an entirely dry Wimbledon fortnight (50-1).

Rather more improbably, if Rob Aplin Ever scores a try, then punters could scoop a 250-1 windfall. The same odds are available if you find Daryl Smith awake in a pub after 9.30pm. At least this seems more credible than conclusive proof of the Loch Ness monster, a 500-1 longshot but you can get slightly less odds for seeing Pete Thompson out after 7.30pm.

Just as likely - or unlikely - according to the bookies are Wivey Ladies to have a number one single.

And at 1,000-1, Bill Hill are offering odds that Martin Broome shoots an advert for an anti-hairloss product, that Martina grows above 5ft tall or that the Archbishop of Canterbury confirms the Second Coming.

But now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to back Mike Phillips I reckon he has a decent outside chance of winning the Booker Prize at odds of (500,000-1) or is it a prize at Brookers?

Happy New Year

From Wivey3rds.co.uk

No Honours

Members of Welington Rugby Club have once more been missed from the Queen's New Year's Honours list. Officials have been secretly campaigning for their efforts in comedy on the rugby field this Season to be recognised.

Speaking to us earlier a spokesperson said: 'This is just ridiculous. In the past we have tried to pay for Honours, and never got anything, so we felt we would write to the Queen and asked for our efforts to be noticed. We made up the names of 25 Million people that we found on a disk in the street and wrote in on their behalf. We thought that that would have done the trick, but no, it did not'.

Wellington RFC now owe the Post Office millions.

Other nation's versions of the Haka

Seeing how the All Blacks were motivated by performing "The Haka" before their world cup games, the other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own.

The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles for a while before moaning about how they invented the game, and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone can beat them now.

The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents heads.

The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents dressing room.

The Welsh suggestion has been vetoed by the RSPCA.

Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forcibly removed by the Stewards.

Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other thirteen whom they will coral between the posts while they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.

The Americans will not be there until half time. In future years they will alter the records to show that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film called "Saving No8 Lyle".

Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the rest of the side to ransom.

The Italian team will arrive in cars shaped like red dildos, sexually harass the female stewards and then run away.

The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch mow it and then claim that it was all in line with the European "grass quotas". They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time.

The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park trucks across the halfway line, let sheep lose in the opposition half and burn the officials.

The Australians will have a bar-b-que before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite their mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush before beating up all the women on the touchline.

No Batteries?

Field Marshall should see out his days on the Alstone farm. A six-year-old bullock is on course to become Britain's largest after reaching the same weight as a Mini Cooper car - with two years of growing still to do.

Owner Arthur Duckett is more than five inches shorter than Field Marshall, who stands at about 6ft 3in (1.9m) tall.

He told Wivey News: "The steer came from big stock and because he's got no batteries I can't breed from him and it affects the size he becomes. I often wonder if these big rugby players have batteries?



Are these photos proof that Field Marshall lookalike members of Wivey 3rds have lost their batteries as well?

Exeter Saracens 3rds 8 Wivey 3rds 22

Nice to see my old mate Dave Mills refereeing. I hope that he was a better referee than he was a loose head prop!

There seems to be a lot of pictures of people standing around !!

More Missing Disks

Following the news that two discs are missing in Britain's Postal System, it has emerged that Wivey 3rds website have also lost two of its discs in the post.

The lost Wivey 3rds database CDs contained the personal information including the IQ's and driving records of many players, ex players and their families. Other damaging information on the lost discs includes details of Mark Bowden's Beano subscription, Daryl Smiths bra size, Dave Huxtable's favourite sheep called Jesus (recently renamed), Jock Morley's rare collection of Scottish rugby victories in the past decade, and many big thumb prints

Mr I Biggun, from the site said: 'It was a big mistake really. We send the discs by post, through Postman Pat, and they went missing. We should have dispatched the package by pigeon post instead its much more reliable.

Benji Stevens said: 'This is just dreadful news. I have been telling people on Wivey3rds complete lies, and now they will know the truth about me. Everybody thinks I have become the plonker I was in school, but I am not, I have a good job, do origami, and lead my own chapter of Star Trek Fans on the Internet.

Mr M. Phillips is afraid people will find out about his forty years worth of Stamp Albums, but others are more concerned that they will be exposed as having a lower IQ than him.




The second disc 'Wivey Ladies Sing Karaoke ' is a lethal killer. If found do not attempt to open it ! Call Scotland Yard's Anti Terrorist Unit immediately.

With AdultSheepFinder you can meet single, sexy sheep in your area at the touch of a button!

Looking for real singles? Find someone now on the world’s largest online sheep dating network.Click on link below to enter site.

http://www.adultsheepfinder.com/

God Upgrades to Vista

A spokesman for Heaven has announced that God the Almighty, the Creator of the Universe, has taken the plunge and upgraded from Windows XP to Windows Vista. It is expected that stuff will be better, the world will be faster and there will be fewer system crashes.

The spokesman, calling himself Gabriel, and speaking through His Holiness the Pope, said:

"When Microsoft released the new version of Windows, God wanted to see how well it worked before upgrading. Using His Omnipotent Presence, He has been observing Vista on millions of PCs and laptops across the world simultaneously for 40 days and 40 nights, and has decided that it is good. He made up His mind earlier today to upgrade the Universe, He accordingly purchased Windows Vista Professional from PC World."

There has been speculation about exactly what aspects of life will improve, now that God is using the newer operating system. Unfortunately, nobody has been able to answer this question yet. The downside will be that global warning will accelerate and Foot & Mouth and Bird Flu will spread more quickly.

Due to hardware incompatibilities, Wellington Rugby Club, Martin Broome and Mike Phillps wallett will cease functioning and become obsolete, though the Almighty hopes that nobody will notice the difference except Charlotte. Owners of Apple Macs will no longer be able to enter Heaven.

Gabriel added:

"If anyone knows how to hide the new sidebars, could he please mention it to the Almighty in his next prayer. The technical support number has unfortunately been engaged for hours."

Rumours though, that clouds over Wivey will have a picture of Pete Thompson on them as The Almighty changes his desktop theme have already frightened a lot of little children.

Wiveliscombe could be facing gypsy site scenario

FEARS that Wiveliscombe could be facing a "North Curry scenario" with an influx of Romany gypsies in Kingsmead Close are unfounded, according to the landowner.

Several residents contacted the Wivey 3rds website when a big black truck and a smaller caravan were put up on the site at the weekend without planning permission.

The owner of the land, who wishes to remain anon-ymous, said: "This is not a North Curry site - it's just one family.

"Everyone's saying it's a bigger gypsy site. We're not gypsies, but an ordinary family housing ourselves."

Rumour suggest that there are already 6 Romanian migrant workers, 2 asylum seekers and a Portsmouth supporter living in his garage and extension.

Women know best - apparently

There has been much talk on the touchline in recent weeks from Mrs Acock, Mrs Aplin and Miss Burston, to name a few. Apparently Women know best, but what proof do they have?

They might be able to manipulate their men but here are a few well known facts:-

*Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks and, upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

*Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

*Women do not want an honest answer to the question, "How do I look?"
Only women understand the reason for "the good china."

*Women love to shop because it's the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

*Women will always ask questions that have no right answer -- it's an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

*Women think all beer is the same.

*Whereas men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality, women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

Why Women Should Not Drive

Men are always being accused of not listening, not asking for directions, etc. New research shows that women are more likely to take advice from the Highways Agency but less likely to understand or comply with road signs.

It's not exactly a revelation to hear that members of the fairer sex are more likely to take advice from the Highways Agency and Met Office than men. However, the results of the agency's latest piece of research indicate that, as a nation, we are blasé about driving in inclement conditions in general.

The survey questioned 1,300 road users about the likelihood of them continuing their journey after a severe weather warning. Only 44% of women surveyed said they would ignore the warning, where as a massive 62% of men thought they knew better.

The division of the sexes was not the only interesting result though, as an obvious change in attitude accompanied growing up. In the same question, only 40% of respondents over the age of 65 said they'd continue, where as 65% of the group of 18 to 24-year olds admitted to ignoring such warnings.

Aplins Practical Services Win MOD Contract

In response to senior military figures calling for an urgent cash injection for Britain's Armed Forces Aplins Practical Services has won the MOD contact to refit military vehicles (See above) .

Speaking ahead of the launch, Chief of security in Kingsmead Close, Omar Rawlings said the lack of sufficient resources for the military had become

"A most pressing issue and this type of vehicle should redress the balance. Underfunding of our Armed Forces is already having consequences, both for our overall defence capability and for our forces at the sharp end, which are too thinly spread and being required to go to war with equipment which is often outdated and not fit for purpose."

Local businessman and former resident of Kingsmead Close, Alexander Keay responded " I know the Government has reduced the defence budget to fourpence ha'penny a week, but it's hard to believe that anyone was taken in by this. I used to have a car like that, but I don't remember the rocket in the list of options."

These vehicles will be put through a vigorous test by Martina and Macyla Aplin before be handed over to the MOD.

Wivey 3rds 30 North Petherton 3rds 12

Wivey 3rds arrived at this match to be greeted with the news that North Petherton 2nds had no game and that they had 27 players to contend with.

Playing up the slope in the first half Wivey had the upper hand and dominated the early stages of this game but failed to capitalise with the only score being a Ross Porter penalty. This was a mistake and when North Petherton broke away to score a Converted try to take a 7 - 3 lead, frustration grew especially on the touchline . After many vocal touchline comments, and former skipper Pete Thompson using words so long that most of the participants of this game would not understand them, the referee's patience ran out. The resulting touchline warning seems to spur Wivey on and shortly after Dave Huxtable scored our first try after some good handling. Ross Porter converted and the half time score was 10 -7.

North Petherton made wholesale changed at half time but it seemed to weaken rather than strengthen their team as the second half got underway. Wivey gained the advantage in the scrums and line out with Tommy and Benji Stevens having a outstanding game. Soon after a turnover and good passing by the three quarters Dave Huxtable went over in the corner for his second try. A Ross Porter penalty soon followed making it 18 - 7 and Wivey had a series of chances to increase their lead.Mike Phillips chased a superb kick from Ian Bristow but just failed to ground the ball after running around the North Petherton prop.This long run was too much for mike these days and he was immediately replaced by 50 year old impact substitute Keith Gosling. His introduction was immediate as he broke tackles from the half way line to find himself with no one to beat and an open tryline begging. Unfortunately though only yards from the line he tripped over his own feet reminiscent of the sniper scene in Schindler's List.

Wivey then went to sleep and North Petherton got back into this game with another try after many missed tackles. Wivey bounced back with a try from Mark Bowden putting the score at 23 - 12. Petherton finished the game strongly but after a ruck on the Wivey try line everyone seemed to want to 'exchange opinions' except Ian Bristow who picked up the ball and jogged the full length of the field to score Wivey's final try which he converted.

Great to see that Wivey comradeship there with old and new players alike. All in all an excellent result and a very satisfying afternoon.